En mi caso, mi experiencia con ella se remonta a mi infancia con la muerte de mis abuelos y tíos abuelos, hasta hace unas semanas cuando la pandemia fue extendiéndose como un río de lava que poco a poco se acercaba a mi hogar sin tener mucha claridad de qué poder hacer más allá de las medidas aconsejadas por autoridades y amigos. Estoy seguro de que cada uno ha estado lidiando con esta experiencia en su muy particular contexto y de mil y un maneras, sin embargo, el fenómeno de la pérdida es el mismo.
Ver la muerte como fenómeno me ha ayudado también a observarlo y quitarle drama, pero especialmente me ha permitido la oportunidad de separarlo de todos los discursos que he generado al respecto. ¿Cuáles discursos alrededor de la muerte de cada persona, tanto cercana y lejana, has construido y te los repites continuamente? ¿qué te provocan? Esas preguntas han sido esenciales para mi auto reflexión. He encontrado mis dudas, mis miedos, mis confusiones, la mayoría se me han revelado en forma de pregunta, tales como ¿qué debí de haber hecho para estar más presente con mi familia? ¿había manera de evitar que mi tío, tía, primos… se contagiaran? Y si yo me contagio ¿mi cuerpo estará preparado para librar la batalla? ¿ganaría o perdería? Y si muero yo, ¿Qué efecto tendría en mi círculo de personas? ¿estaría en paz?
Ciertamente las preguntas han abierto mundos de indagación personal que me han permitido replantear la manera en que quiero construir y llevar mis relaciones, especialmente con mi círculo más cercano, pero también el poder ser consciente de cómo me relaciono con la pérdida. Viéndolo de manera “técnica”, comúnmente habitamos dos emociones asociadas a la pérdida: la tristeza y el miedo. La muerte de mi tío, el cual fue especialmente cercano en mi infancia, la viví desde la tristeza, claro que duele, pero también me recordó y conectó con lo valiosa que fue su presencia en mi vida, el regalo que fue para mí. Haciendo un pequeño homenaje a él ahora veo la influencia que ha tenido en mí, en la imagen que ahora tengo del tipo de padre que quiero ser si llego a serlo, aprecio el tiempo dedicado a mi primo y a mí, la cantidad de horas jugando juegos de mesa, videojuegos o futbol, la intensidad con que lo hacía me inspiraba a jugar con determinación e inteligencia. Esa palabra podría definirlo, intensidad, no había manera en que él pasara desapercibido.
La tristeza es una emoción que he escuchado que es continuamente catalogada como “negativa”, sin embargo, su luz es realmente hermosa. He escuchado múltiples historias de pérdidas especialmente en esta temporada, y en cada una de ellas la tristeza ha traído alguna forma de belleza a la conversación cuando se combina con una emoción que me permitiré juzgar como sorprendentemente poderosa, y a la cual llamamos gratitud. La tristeza sin ella, la he visto acompañarse del rencor, o resignación, todo ello generando escenarios poco alentadores, y en situaciones más complejas transformarse en depresiones patológicas.
La muerte me dolió. Seguro seguirá haciéndolo y no creo que no tenga por qué no doler. El corazón de la conversación no está en el evitarlo, sino en la manera en que lo honramos como parte de nuestro camino. Tratar de quitar el dolor de los demás, tal vez desde la simpatía o la evasión, puede ser una manera de robarles dignidad, pues pierden también la posibilidad de observar lo que les importa, de validarlo, y de ser quienes quieren ser desde ese lugar. En mi caso, en el dolor de la pérdida, pude honrar la existencia y el amor de mi tío, agradeciendo su profunda influencia en quién soy yo ahora.
Hay una frase que dice “para aprender a vivir, hay que aprender a morir”. Heidegger dijo que la vida tiene sentido gracias a la muerte. Viéndolo así, la muerte también es una conversación, y no una terrible. Inclusive veo que podría ser una conversación hermosa si viene acompañada de nuestra gratitud hacia el ser humano que fue. Por otro lado, nos conecta también con tomar responsabilidad del tiempo que tenemos disponible con los que aún viven, hablar de la muerte me parece injusto si no viene acompañada de la conversación sobre la vida.
En estos tiempos, donde la lava ha rodeado nuestros hogares, vale la pena traer la conversación de la muerte. Ojalá podamos experimentarla como un fenómeno que nos permita valorar y honrar la vida. Gracias tío, y a todas las personas que ya han partido.
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